Testing the Waters: On Embracing Change in Art and Life

A few years ago, during an experimental phase in the studio, I created a painting using masks and stencils made from my own photographs. I painted the trees in vibrant bright colours.

At first glance, I loved it. But almost immediately, it made me uncomfortable. It felt like too much, too soon.

Unsure of what to do with that sudden discomfort, I set the canvas aside and returned to my tried-and-tested way of working. I stepped back into the safety of the familiar.

Looking at that same painting in the studio recently, I found myself asking: Why didn’t you keep going? Why didn’t you push it further? Nothing is ever perfect on the first try. But looking back honestly, I realise I was scared. I wanted the comfort and security of what I already knew I could do.

The Freedom of Tentative Steps

We often talk about change as if it happens in a single, heroic leap. But more often than not, it begins with small, tentative steps.

I think the exact same thing happens in life. We test the waters of doing things differently - perhaps exploring a new path, questioning an old routine, or testing a boundary - only to pull back to what feels safe. We return to the job we already know, or the routines that feel comfortable even if they no longer stretch or inspire us.

And that is entirely okay.

Pulling back doesn't mean failure. Sometimes it simply means, “Not just yet, but someday I will be ready.” Other times, testing the water allows us to look at our lives and realise, “I’m glad I was brave enough to try that, but actually, I am perfectly happy right where I am.”

Both realisations are valuable. Both require being kind to ourselves as we figure out what we truly need.

Stepping into What's Next

For me, those early experimental marks weren't a dead end, they were seeds planted for a time when I would have the room and confidence to nurture them.

This is what the coming months in the studio will be about: pushing myself, exploring new directions, and sitting with the discomfort of the unfamiliar without running back to safety quite so fast. I feel ready now, ready for change, and curious to see how doing things a different way will feel.

Change doesn't require us to rush. It just asks us to stay open to the possibility when the right moment arrives.

Have you ever stepped away from a new idea or change in your life, only to find yourself coming back to it years later when you were finally ready? I’d love to hear your thoughts.